---

July 20, 2011

TWITTER-NANIGANS

So recently on my ol' Twitter feed, which you can find at twitter.com/DMOunited, I dropped the following tweet:

"As I am a egotistical narcissist, I will occasionally re-read my tweets. I did today and I discovered something... I'm kinda funny."

Well there's your recommended daily allowance of truth. And since I'm one for shameless self-promotion, I'm going to drop some choice tweets for your review in another rip-roaring edition of Twitter-nanigans (you know how y'all love Facebook Follies, same concept). So sit tight and get ready to laugh (adult beverages optional).
Yes, bonus commentary in blue



At end of interview, I was asked, "Anything else you want to add?" Me: "Besides, 'I'm awesome,' no, I think that's it." #wewillseeifigetjob.
It helps that I knew the all the members of the panel interview pretty well, so I was able to interview as "Party D-mo" and not as "Desperate for a Job D-mo"


Just got my @NHMLA membership card in the mail, and it's one of those awesome keyring cards! Can't wait for Sunday. #nerdgasm
I can't lie. I love those little keyring things. Especially when it's items like Natural History Museum membership cards and library cards. Allows me to flash my nerd credentials in a slick fashion, too.


I can't lie. I still get giddy when my wife introduces me to people and they say, "Yes, I've seen you on TV." #iamkindofabigdeal
The amazing thing is that I'm not on TV that often, and lately, when I am, it's on a very niche channel. I'm bragging right now, aren't I? Sorry.


For Canada Day, I had the traditional Canadian breakfast: maple syrup and a Molson.
The best way to enjoy said traditional Canadian breakfast is to shoot 3 jiggers of maple syrup and then chase with the Molson. To be fair, if you're a Labatt man, feel free to enjoy that instead.


Things said tonight: "Wasabi is like an abusive girlfriend. It kicks my ass every time I go back, but I really do love it." #SexIsHotToo
I really should leave Lady Wasabi, but it hurts so good. Although I've been known to tell people my tongue ran into the wall (too soon?)


Accept that you're not perfect. Chicks find that sexy!
The ladies really do love a man who's true to himself. And if your lady can't accept you for who you are, send the bitch packing. Ya, I said it.


Maybe I should just devote my life to making tasty sauces. #wasntexpectingthatwereyou
How do I know when I've maxed out the Random-meter? When even my dad asks, "You make sauces? Since when?"


When my daughter was a toy, her hair was one piece (like Lego hair) and it came off & she lost it on the moon. That's what she told me.
I really wish you could see the conviction in her face when she told me this tale. She was selling it.


How do you know you're on the north side of the generation wall? When the word "cameo" is said in dialogue, you instinctually say "Word up"
Don't lie, how many of you thought "word up" when you got to the word "cameo" in the sentence above?


Ladies and gentlemen... LIVE MARIACHIS! Apparently, my neighbor has a fever...a fever that can only be cured with more mariachi.
My entire street is a quiet group... except for the house bordering me to the left... and the house bordering me to the right. Really? And why is it always mariachis? Why can't it be something cool like a German oompah band, or heaven forbid, a steal drum band?


Why is there no Snooze Button on my daughter? #maybeididnotwanttowakeupthisearly
I would love to be able to tap her on the head and have her collapse into a crumbled, sleepy heap. Of course, I would probably hit the Snooze Button all the time because the crumbling would tickle me to no end. Maybe it's better she doesn't have one, as apparently, I'm a bastard like that.


Pick one for your message of the day: Motivational - "The harder you work, the luckier you get." Sarcastic - "You're an ass. Run with it."
I really should write a book. I could inspire so many people in so many ways.


The best way to diffuse the stigma of asking a stupid question is to preface it with, "OK, I know this is a stupid question..."
Seriously, this has worked so many times for me. The key is not to act smug when asking.


I can't lie... the toilets at work are a little frightening. Two words: Turbo Flush. They make airplane toilets look like outhouses.
I was going to write something funny, but I don't want it to be too mad at me.


Brainstorming is hard work. And it doesn't help that I have the Imagination Movers song in my head, too.
As an FYI, there are no bad ideas when you're brainstorming. If you don't have a child, this tweet and commentary makes no sense to you. No worries. Move along.


I was raptured yesterday, but I came back because I forgot my iPhone.
I heard that God is a pretty boss Words with Friends player and wanted to play him


I need to stop using bacon as a condiment.
In all seriousness, I really do.


Ok. Twitter suggests I should follow @FiberChoice --- REALLY? Do I look constipated? What do you know that I don't, Twitter? #justwow
How dare Twitter question my gastrointestinal health. You don't know me!


Hey @DirecTV why do you suck right now? If I were to DVR the program I want to watch, it'd be 60 min of "Searching for satellite signal..."
In DirecTV's defense, it did tweet me back with some helpful tips. But all in all, I still like Cable better. Ya, I said it. Discuss amongst yourselves.


Navy SEALs = awesome. But I'm thinking they had help from the Federal Student Loan crew. Them bitches always track you down... eventually.
Bin Laden didn't renew his forbearance. Let that be a lesson to you all with people with outstanding loans. If you don't pay, Seal Team Six comes collecting.


@Lord_Voldemort7 I thought all British weddings were interrupted by Death Eaters. Surprised this wasn't the case. #royalwedding
Apparently, the world of Harry Potter is nothing like real life. Who knew?


The Mrs once said, "in a world of Gaga, Lohan, and Paris Hilton, the Spice Girls are acceptable role models for my daughter."
No arguments here.


What's the best way to describe my daughter? Greek/Celtic or Celtic/Greek?
It's a fair question. And sadly, neither roll of the tongue particularly easy.



So as you can tell, I'm a comedic genius (and I'm modest, too). If you want to follow me on Twitter, please do so - I'm at twitter.com/DMOunited. If you don't, to hell with you. Ok, that was a little rough. Please... to hell with you.

---

May 23, 2011

CANVAS

A month or so ago, out of the blue, my mother asked, "Who's your favorite band nowadays?"

Me (with a perplexed look on my face): "Umm, what?"

Mom: "Right now, who's your favorite music singer or group?"

Honestly, I was stumped. Outside of my oft-documented love of the Spice Girls, I don't really have a favorite music act right now. The Mrs. has hitched her wagon to Muse for the time being, but me...?

A rough list of musical acts I like would include The Hives, Enigma, U2, No Doubt, Coldplay, and Wilson Phillips (yes, you read that right). Of this group, I'd say The Hives are as close to the title of "My Favorite Act" that's still performing, with U2 a very close second.

So I began an endeavor to at least figure what was/is my favorite song of the last, say, 5-7 years. I carefully perused my iTunes selection (and I had the time because you can only watch some many episodes of "Wow Wow Wubbzy" with the Danger Diva) and I whittled my genres with the likely candidate down to Dance, Electronica, and Anime. I found that surprising because in those genres, I only have one or two songs, tops, from any given artist.

Alas, I think I have found what I can call my favorite song of the last 5-7 years... and it's in Japanese. Go fig.


The song: Canvas
The group: COOLON


I originally came across this song as it was used as the closing credits song for the 4th and last season of the anime Eureka Seven. To be fair, most of the Japanese music I have is featured in one way, shape or form in an anime series (it's no secret that most average Americans get the taste of a Japanese band through one of their songs used in an anime).

As a result, I decided to see if I can find a music video for this song, and YouTube delivers once again. Not only is the song groovy, but the video is pretty slick to.

Without further yapping on my part, let me share my favorite song of the moment...





And for your entertainment pleasure, here are the lyrics (and their English translation). I know... I'm a giver.

Kawaranai mainichi kara nukedashitakute hitori arukidashita Kono te ni tsukanda chizu wo hirogereba tadoritsukeruto omottanda Tada ga mushara ni natte susumu koto dake ni torawarete Ashimoto mo mienakunatte tsumazuite "asphalt" ni korogatte Sora wo miagete hitomi wo tojite Fukanda minna no egao ni kizukasaretayo CHORUS Furikaeru to itsumo kawaranai basho ga aru kara Donna gyakkyou mo fuan mo koete yukeru Hateshinai michi naru michi e to fumidaseru Dakedo kanchigai hitori de tsuyoku nattatte kigashite ita Jibun no yowasa mitsuke kasumu ikute demo hikari sashite mina no kao wo ukaberu Senaka osu koe ga atte koso koete yuku koto ga dekitanda ne Yatto wakatta toki kara wa yabure kansha no kimochi mo mebae Itsumo itsumo tsukkoshitte sou yatte susumu "my way" katte datte muri ni iji ni natte koetai kabe tobikoeru hane hoshikattanda tsuyoku naru tame tachiagatte mae e mae e taoretatte nando datte datte dare nimo aru hazu kaereru basho itsumo itsumo datte sou yori sou kizuna Hands in the air todoku eeru mune ni saki e CHORUS Furikaeru to itsumo kawaranai basho ga aru kara Donna gyakkyou mo fuan mo koete yukeru Hateshinai michi naru michi e to fumidaseru (instrumental break) Owaranai tabi no tochuu de tachi tomatte Kizukasareta kakegae no nai mono Mune no honou afuredasu hodo Dokomademo ikeru hazu sa Hito wo mamoreru tsuyosa itsuka kono te ni CHORUS Furikaeru to itsumo kawaranai basho ga aru kara Donna gyakkyou mo fuan mo koete yukeru Hateshinai michi naru michi e to fumidaseru CHORUS Furikaeru to itsumo kawaranai basho ga aru kara Donna gyakkyou mo fuan mo koete yukeru Hateshinai michi naru michi e to fumidaseru CHORUS Furikaeru to itsumo kawaranai basho ga aru kara Donna gyakkyou mo fuan mo koete yukeru Hateshinai michi naru michi e to fumidaseru

From this never changing days, I wanted to escape, so I stepped out on my own. If I spread this map in my hands, I thought I could struggle to somewhere But I just become vexed, and unable to progress I became unable to see my steps, and stumbled on the asphalt, rolling I look up at the sky with my eyes closed I was hurt by the everyone's empty smiles CHORUS Always when I look back, there's a never-changing place So I can overcome whatever adversity and unease And I'll be able to step out into the never-ending unknown road But I misunderstood, I thought I became strong alone I realised my own weakness and got confused but light shone and I saw everyone's faces Since there's a voice that pushes me, for sure I have now passed through Finally when I understood and broke my shell apart, feelings of gratitude sprout Always I rush and do it my way Selfishly, unreasonably and stubbornly The wall I want to overcome, the wings to fly over, for the strength I desired I stand up and move forward, no matter how many times I fall 'Cause everyone should have a place to return to A bond that can be relied on always Hands in the air let out a yell and stick your chest out CHORUS Always when I look back, there's a never-changing place So I can overcome whatever adversity and unease And I'll be able to step out into the never-ending unknown road (instrumental break) On the never-ending journey, I stopped The wounded irreplaceable things The flame in my heart bursts forth I probably could go anywhere and everywhere The power to protect people, someday I'll have CHORUS Always when I look back, there's a never-changing place So I can overcome whatever adversity and unease And I'll be able to step out into the never-ending unknown road CHORUS Always when I look back, there's a never-changing place So I can overcome whatever adversity and unease And I'll be able to step out into the never-ending unknown road CHORUS Always when I look back, there's a never-changing place So I can overcome whatever adversity and unease And I'll be able to step out into the never-ending unknown road

url: http://whatsup.dmounited.com/x/2011-0523.html

---

May 10, 2011

THE CHAMP IS HERE

So as I sat there in my bed Easter morning, I decided to post on Facebook and Twitter something that I had tossed around in the back of my head for a while that always made me giggle.

In my head, when Jesus resurrects, it's done to @WWE style pyro & music, with @JRsBBQ screaming, "It's Jesus! Business is about to pick up!"

On Facebook, where most of my peeps are, this flew surprisingly under the radar. I guess my Facebookies aren't big WWE or Jim Ross fans. However, on Twitter, the overwhelming response to my tweet was very surprising. It turns out Good Ol' JR retweeted it to his Twitter followers, who subsequently retweeted it to their followers. Awesome.

So with that, I'd like to share some of the Twitter responses I got back that were equally as entertaining...
With my own bonus commentary in blue...

@sodasantiago
It wouldn't be without a "Good God Almighty!!"
I love it, and I totally hear it in my head, but I only had 140 characters.


@PureGristle
Then by the next PPV he's getting pinned clean by Kane in 2 minutes...
No way. If anything, it would be Kane that would job to Jesus. Man, Kane never gets a push.


@LouPickney
"What's Jesus doing here? He doesn't work for WCW!"
Nice! Tossing out an old Outsiders reference.


@realbjpayne
might be the funniest tweet i have ever read. glad I have the sense of humor to enjoy that. kudos
I have two thoughts on that at the end...


@j_coatsworth
I'm still laughing at the Jesus/JR tweet an hour after reading it. Great work. Jesus vs Judas; a real slober-knocker...
Jesus and Judas can start as a tag team, but after a string of losses, Judas turns heel.


@mets97
Great job! Early nominee for Tweet of the year!
Man, if I won Tweet of the Year, I'd be talking about that for years.... wait, is that real?


@taylormillard
I have to be honest, the more I think about it, the more I think that'll be His second coming. 'Cause business picks up.
Well said, sir. I just hope the second coming isn't on Pay-Per-View


@JonnyBGood77
in WWE style Jesus resurrection JR would be screaming "STONE ROLLED! STONE ROLLED! STONE ROLLED!"
My favorite of the bunch. I laughed heartily at that one.

Now, understandably, if you don't follow wrestling and/or Christianity, the above made absolutely no sense to you. I won't hold it against you, and you can go about your day. But if you do, I hope it brightened your day a bit.

Lastly, let me throw out the two thoughts I mentioned earlier.
1) Before claims of blasphemy come hurtling my way, know this. God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit... the whole trinity... have a sense of humor. This is evident by the fact that humanity has a sense of humor. If God was some humorless dude, we'd all be humorless, too. It's the whole "made in His image" bit.
2) We faithful, and I am one, believe that Jesus fights for all of us and our immortal souls against Satan and his minions. By definition, doesn't that make Jesus the "Champion of the World"... yes, I believe it does. And doesn't the World Champion deserve such a grand entrance... yes, I believe he does.

Woo woo woo, you know it!



url: http://whatsup.dmounited.com/x/2011-0510.html

---

April 3, 2011

GOT YOUR EARS ON GOOD BUDDY

While rummaging through some old files, I stumbled across this gem. I think it's time to dust it off and present it here. Enjoy!


Signs your Starship Captain just might be a redneck.

-You have a shuttle called "Billy Joe Bob"

-Your shuttlecraft has been up on blocks for over a month

-He paints flames on the warp nacelles, and there is a NASCAR sticker on the back of the saucer section.

-He refers to Klingons as "Critters"

-He refers to Photon Torpedoes as "Squirrel Guns"

-He has Chief Engineer repair the sensor array with a bent coathanger and aluminum foil

-He installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section

-Instead of, "Open hailing frequencies," he says, "Got your ears on, good buddy"

-He hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen

-He keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it

-He rewires his communicator into his belt buckle (which he claims he won at Andorran Rodeo Days)

-He says "Yee-Ha!" instead of "Engage"

-He names his phaser "Ol' Betsy" and has a hand-tooled holster for it

-He insists on calling his first officer, "Bubba"

-He thinks every alien only speaks Spanish... except Vulcans. He think they're one of "them der Chinamen."

-He sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of "Bassmaster"

-He programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip greens

-His moonshine is stronger than Romulan Ale

-His idea of a "gas giant" is Bubba after a meal of beans and weenies

-He sets phasers to "Cajun"

-Instead of a Galaxy Class ship, he commands a Ford F-Series Starship

-He paints a Confederate flag on the top of the ship

-Name of his ship: U.S.S. General Lee




url: http://whatsup.dmounited.com/x/2011-0403.html

---

March 15, 2011

I LOVE GILBERT GOTTFRIED

Behold, a What's Up guest contributor! Please welcome, friend to the show, Matt Walker!


I LOVE GILBERT GOTTFRIED

by Matt Walker

By now, everyone has heard that Gilbert Gottfried was fired from his Aflac voiceover gig due to his tweets on the Japanese earthquake and tsunami. Were his jokes in poor taste? Yes, of course they were. That's what Gilbert Gottfried does; he's been doing this for 30+ years. Here is a quick list of topics that Aflac thinks are fine to joke about, since he made similar jokes about each of these topics without getting fired:

1. Attempted suicide by stabbing oneself repeatedly
2. Drug overdoses leaving three small children without a father
3. Hurricane Katrina
4. 9/11
5. The Holocaust
6. Any and every racial stereotype ever conceived
7. Bela Lugosi

So, by Aflac's actions, we can assume that they find each of those topics appropriate for jokes, but NOT the recent earthquake and tsunami in Japan.

Look, I understand that most of your business is done in Japan, but here are a few things to consider: you knew who Gilbert Gottfried was when you hired him, yet you did so anyway. He's made inappropriate jokes about anything and everything since then with no public repercussions. If you have a problem with this type of humor, you should have never hired him in the first place.

Also, anyone following Gilbert Gottfried on Twitter likely appreciates this type of humor. Those who are offended were never his intended audience; it was through other media sources where those who were offended learned of these comments.

So if you don't like Gilbert Gottfried, ignore him, and don't hire him to represent your company. But if you do, then don't be surprised when he does exactly what he's always done... make me laugh my ass off.


This piece originally ran on funnymatt.com.
Matt can be found at funnymatt.com, twitter.com/funnymatt, facebook.com/funnymatt, and of course, the DMOunited.com People I Like page.




url: http://whatsup.dmounited.com/x/2011-0315.html

---

March 13, 2011

DISNEY DECADE

Eagle-eyed readers of What's Up, who know me personally, will notice that I rarely take about my primary source of income. Sure, I let some gems through, but given my position and amount of yet-to-be-announced information I'm privy to, I have to be cautious as to what I say, so I opt to say practically nothing.

With that said (or not said), I can proudly announced that I celebrated my 10 year anniversary with The Walt Disney Company, specifically the Disneyland Resort, this past March 10th.

You want to know the key to a long, interesting career at the Happiest Place on Earth? It's quite simple. Only plan on staying for a short time. Many people I know here, like myself, only anticipated this being a short-term opportunity. However, we're all still here. My story: after getting laid off from an internet company following the dot com bust of 2000, I imagined that I would be able to land with a new web/tech company rather quickly. Luckily, in my past life, I was an innkeeper so I was able to gain employment at the Hotels of the Disneyland Resort while waiting for the dust to settle and the carnage to be assessed. Eventually, it dawned on me that almost every other unemployed casualty of the dot com bust was hoping for that next big ticket offer. For many of us, it never came. At least I had income.

Years went by, coupled with a transfer to the park's administration building, some interesting television opportunities, wonderful friendships, solid business partnerships, seasons of fantasy baseball, and BAM... next thing you know, I'm getting a plaque with my name on it for being here 10 years. I also get a pin for my name tag (like I did for my 1st and 5th year), but as my name is too long, I don't have anyplace to put them.

So what did I do on my actual 10 year anniversary? Actually, I called out because I was nursing a sick daughter and administering antibiotics.

Hey, Rule 1 of the World of Demosthenes: Nothing trumps the Zoe.

---

February 2, 2011

LULL IN THE ACTION

It's been pretty calm around the World of Demosthenes. Sure, I've got my hand in many a'project, but everything is on cruise control. You know what that means, I typically don't have anything intriguing to write for What's Up.

This would normally lead to one my famous rapid-fire rants, but alas, there is nothing pending that needs my sage opinion or judgement passing.

What to do, what to do?

Well, it appears I've going to have to fall back on, what has turned out to be, a pretty reliable Plan B... FACEBOOK FOLLIES. But I thought I'd expand it a bit and throw in some of my more memorable tweets from Twitter. And just for icing on top of this social media cake, some bonus YouTube vids that have tickled me.


Facebook Follies
Let's see what I yapping about on the 'Book.
...with bonus commentary only found here.


Has the perfect comeback to the ubiquitous phrase, "It is what it is."
"...you can't prove that."
Stunned faces ensues.
What started out as a relatively innocuous phrase has turned into corporate safety net that deflects responsibility. I'm putting a stop to that.


Just discovered that Haagen-Dazs has discontinued their Bailey's Ice Cream, and thus Bailey's shakes. EPIC FALL!
Seriously, I really have no need now to go out of my way for a Haagen-Dazs location. I'll just hit up my local Rite-Aid to enjoy some Thrifty ice cream.


Mom: "Your father said that guy on Idol is in his 60's."
Me: "Who? Steven Tyler?"
Mom: "Ya, that guy. Is he?"
Me: "How would I know? I don't know the guy. We're not Facebook friends."
I still don't know how old he is. I also can't confirm that he didn't star in Jim Hensen's Dark Crystal.


I'm sure I'm mistaken, but I'm convinced the ice cream truck's music was "Battle Hymn of the Republic." Pretty sure a frozen novelty in the shape of the Pink Panther's head does NOT warrant a Glory, Glory, Hallelujah!
Don't get me wrong, that's super festive, but that opens up the possibility that somewhere, there is a truck whose music is "Dixie" and refuses to serve chocolate ice cream. ...too soon?


Just added to my iTunes: Finnish Neo-Folk Music and Madagascar pop. Oh ya, I said it.
Finnish.
Neo.
Folk.
Also got some Tuvan Throat Singing. Hey, what do you expect from a free CD.


Nothing helps you feel better when you're sick like an Iron Chef marathon on Cooking Channel.
On Food Network, they were showing Iron Chef America. On sister station, Cooking Channel, at the same time, they were showing the original Iron Chef. Any guesses which one I was watching? Sorry, Bobby.


I've started using the word "ninja" as a verb.
As a verb, it means: to move stealthily and cunningly, with nefarious intention, yet bad ass.
The sad part, when I mentioned this to a few people, I had to explain what "nefarious" meant. It's such a quality word that's vastly underutilized.


My lady is watching "16 & Pregnant" and I'm not looking at it. But I can hear it, and the complete lack of common sense demonstrated by these people irritate me to no end.
To all the young teen ladies out there who are going to get knocked up way too early, just go on the assumption that the baby daddy will not be there. It'll save you a lot of disappointment. And no, yours won't be different.
Really. Yours won't be different. Oh, and while we're on the subject, use a goddamn condom. Ladies, I'm talking to you here... you can't trust a teenage boy to pack one, so carry them yourself.




Twitter-nanigans
Admittedly, an odd name choice, but let's run with it. Anyway, sometimes, I post items unique to Twitter (@DMOunited). No rhyme, no reason. Let's look at some winners.
again, with bonus commentary.


I really hope the Jaguars move into #FarmersField I would totally get behind the Jaguares de Los Angeles. #oralevato #imwhite

To whatever NFL team moves into #FarmersField I really hope you use "Dueling Banjos" as your fight song. #thematicallyappropriate

Love that the rural sounding #FarmersField will be in the heart of urban Los Angeles. I will merely call it "The Farm" just to be ironic.
This new non-stadium is a big deal here in L.A. So is this naming deal. Let's get the team here first, guys (that's even if we have football at all next year). But my buddy Matt Walker (@funnymatt) did tweet this keen observation: "Farmers, your marketing team is first rate. Branding a stadium that won't be built means you don't have to spend money, but get the PR."


Wishes Play-Doh would just end the charade and just flavor their product. #youknowwealleatit
Why do I say this? The Mrs. got the Danger Diva a Play-Doh set... where you make ice cream cones, sundaes and treats out of Play-Doh. It even comes with a sprinkle-infused tub of Play-Doh. Too far.


You know what drives the ladies crazy in the clubs? The DJ Lance Dance. The clap under the leg, it's like moths to a flame. @yogabbagabba
Unless you watch Yo Gabba Gabba, this means nothing. But if you do watch it, you're laughing pretty hard right now. As a service, see below.


Today's National Hug Day. Or as it's known in the World of Demosthenes, National Awkward Sexual Advance Day. #whowantsahug
Amazingly, I could not find any National Hug Day parties.


Observation of the day: TrueBlood = Twilight minus the teen angst. Leaned that way initially, but Sam being a shapeshifter confirmed it.
Conversely, TrueBlood = Twilight PLUS nudity. Man, that would have improved the Twilight saga 100 fold.


2yr old daughter: "Who's the guy w/the mustache?" Me: "An Ood." "Ood?" "Yes." "He has a mustache like grandpa's" "Sure, why not."
For your reference... here's an Ood. It's a race from the Doctor Who television show.


Things I tell my daughter: "Strawberry Shortcake's friend, Blueberry Muffin, has a brother named Banana Nut Muffin. He's a tool."
Her grandfather is old Bran Muffin. Her friend Orange Blossom has a sister named Cherry Blossom. Her other friend Lemon Meringue is an only child and has no family of note. These little add-ons making bedtime storytelling so much more in-depth.


A blogger is one who rambles on a blog. Since I have a full website, and I more or less "pontificate," does that make me a pontiff? #PopeMe
For the record, me becoming a real pontiff is only a 401(c) non-profit away.


Never underestimate the power of positive thinking... and a swift kick to the nuts. Both yield fabulous results.
That's a fact, Jack.


You know what I'd pay good money for... an all-you-can-eat McDonald's buffet.
I'm really surprised that something like this doesn't already exist. If I ever own a franchise, once a month, I'd close the dining room to normal operation to do this. You can't tell me this wouldn't make money hand over fist.




YouTube Yuks
Me and my cousin, Zee, have been trading interesting YouTube videos. Here are a couple of choice selections.







And as point of reference, here's the DJ Lance Dance.



I know, I know. If you are my Facebook friend, or if you follow me on Twitter, most of this was old news. But if you're not, then this is all new. Woot. We'll see if I can craft something original next time.

---

February 1, 2011

SUPER BOWL XLV PICK

After nailing my Super Bowl prediction last year, I figured I'd try it again this year.

So in a week's time, it'll be the Pittsburgh Steelers vs. the Green Bay Packers. At the time this issue went to press, Green Bay was a 3 point favorite, and the over/under was 44.

It's going to be a close game, and either team can win. With that said, I think I'm going to pick Steelers (+3) and go with the Under.

But truth be told, I don't know if I'd bet this game. I think it'll be a low-scoring grind of a game, so Green Bay may not cover the spread. However, there is a chance that this could turn into a shootout (yes, even with two stout defenses). I've made my pick, but I won't lay any cash on it.

---

January 2, 2011

THUNDER

Let me set up the thought process. I stumbled upon a wonderful music video mash-up titled "Thunder Busters." It's well done. So that got me thinking, what other things could sound more awesome with "thunder" in front of it. I came up with a brief list, but it sat on my desktop. Later, during my trip to Buffalo, the weather peeps there advised that the area could experience, no joke, "thunder snow."

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

Apparently, thunder snow is just regular, run-of-the-mill thunderstorm, but instead of rain, you get snow. Meteorologically speaking, this phenomenon is quite rare. Although, if it does occur, the Great Lakes area of the U.S. is where it would happen. Kooky.

So after that, I dug up the first list, and decided to expand it a bit. I eventually edited it down to what I consider the...
"Top 10 Things Made More Awesome by Adding Thunder-"

Hells ya. Here we go...


Number Ten:
Cougar: 1) also known as puma, mountain lion, or panther, a capable stalk-and-ambush predator; 2) an older woman who prefers sexual relationships with younger men.
Thundercougar: applied to either definition, it would be fearsome, relentless, and might cause you to lose the ability to walk normally, if at all.


Number Nine:
Poodle: a breed of dog, commonly called a French poodle, with puffs of hair on its paws and chest.
Thunderpoodle: doesn't take your guff when you insult the puffs. Teacup Thunderpoodles are the worst offenders.


Number Eight:
Pants: trousers; an item of clothing worn on the lower part of the body from the waist to the ankles.
Thunderpants: a movie about a young boy that is uncontrollably and devastatingly flatulent, who uses this "ability" to become an astronaut. Seriously.


Number Seven:
Bong: a device typically used to smoke drugs to get high.
Thunderbong: a device used to smoke drugs that will, literally, cause your brain to explode out of the back of your head. Might cause you to lose the ability to walk normally, if at all.


Number Six:
Pump: a device used to move fluids, liquids, and/or gases.
Thunderpump: quite possibly, the hippest gay bar on the planet.


Number Five:
Taco: delicious Mexican treat, that could give you the shits.
Thundertaco: delicious Mexican treat, that could give you the thundershits.


Number Four:
Snow: a type of precipitation in the form of crystalline water ice, consisting of a multitude of snowflakes that fall from clouds.
Thundersnow: that... plus lightning.


Number Three:
Mustache: facial hair grown on the outer surface of the upper lip; it may or may not be accompanied by a beard.
Thunder'stache: The awesomeness of the mustache, without the creepiness of the cheesy, 70's-porn star vibe.


Number Two:
Dome: a structure that resembles the hollow upper half of a sphere; enclosed venue for sports typically played outdoors.
Thunderdome: two men enter, one man leave. 'nuff said.


Number One:
Colonoscopy: an endoscopic examination of the colon with a camera attached to a flexible tube inserted through the anus.
Thundercolonoscopy: Makes your manliness unquestionable. Allows you to say you exude machismo. Might cause you to lose the ability to walk normally, if at all.



If it wasn't apparent, this is how I pass the time when the Danger Diva is watching Wow Wow Wubbzy and Ni-hao Kai-Lan.



url: http://whatsup.dmounited.com/x/2011-0102.html

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January 1, 2011

...AND I'VE GOT A WHOLE CASE OF IT

New Years are always about the same thing: doing something new. Oh, the irony.

Now whether January 1, 2011, was the start of something different and/or better, or whether that day was just a Saturday, I found something that will help you in either event.

As your move forward in your respective lives, just think of this for inspiration...



That's right. Good ol' James Tiberius Kirk. When you're going through the year and something is rearing up to try and hinder you, just think of the Captain and let your obstacle know that you're ready to lay the smack down and you can't be stopped.

Seriously, if you think about it, Kirk won more fights than he lost... and he never lost a fight that mattered.

So keep a can of Kirk-Fu handy because it's your future... OWN IT!

Thanks to rabittooth.com for the inspiration for this inspirational message. Happy New Year, everyone.

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